How many people are you still friends with, that you’ve been close to for many years? Can you count the number on both of your hands, probably not? Why is that? There could be many reasons. Sometimes we simply grow apart from some friends and become closer to others. There’s nothing wrong with that. Things change. It may be that you no longer share the same views anymore, so these people who were once close to you are no longer in your life.
Sometimes a lack of communication with others can ruin a friendship or cause it to change. There have been times that a relationship I had with someone slowly disintegrated because of shady things that were said and done. Instead of addressing a particular issue, I felt betrayed and hurt from the person’s actions. As a result of this, I simply discontinued the friendship and kept on moving with my life. I felt I was too old to be bothered with the drama.
Do I wish things could have changed and that I had addressed the issues? Sometimes. Do I feel that it’s time to move on from people and continue to grow? Most of the time, yes.
There have been many situations that have occurred over the years that because of what happened and not addressing the issue caused me to look at the person in a different way. I just didn’t trust them because they weren’t supportive of me when I needed them, or they may have lied about me, or spread an untrue rumor or just simply, I had negative energy when they were in my presence.
At the end of the day, if you really care about keeping a relationship and you believe that the person can change and they’re genuine, then sometimes it is worth talking to them about it. Who knows, you may be able to salvage the relationship. Below are a few things to keep in mind if you have a heart to heart.
Think about what you will say…
Before having that CONVERSATION with that person think about how you will address them. Even if you feel that you didn’t do anything wrong you don’t want to be too confrontational. You want your voice heard, but you want them to listen to where you are coming from. You must get your point of view across to them. Decide how you will say it…
A serious conversation like this shouldn’t be through text message, but a face to face conversation. Maybe sending an email or giving that person a call to let them know that things have changed and you would like to meet with them and have that special one on one conversation would be best.
The uncomfortable part…You have to be totally honest if you want to be true to yourself. No sugar coating, but be respectful of each person’s point of view. Let them know that you heard the things that were said or you’ve noticed the things they have done and let them know how it really makes you feel. If they gossiped or spread a rumor about you, let them know exactly that.
Listen to them and give them a chance to speak. Don’t interrupt them or become too defensive. Just listen and respond back with how you feel.
Decide if you want to move on…
After the conversation you pretty much know if you want to save the relationship or if the conversation was closure for you. You will know if they’re really being honest. If you do want to keep the relationship, then slowly build it back by taking those small steps like calling each other, going out for lunch and just being supportive of each other.
Let me know your thoughts on saving a friendship below or send me a tweet @BoriquaChicks.
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