So I don’t have kids…yet. I haven’t been in a hurry and to be honest I look at everyone around me who has kids and I think, ‘Wow, this is a whole another type of lifestyle …And some of ya’ll seem miserable.’
When you don’t have children, people can say some of the craziest and most inappropriate things. Moreover, if you are in a serious relationship, there is always the expectation that you should be in a hurry to be a mother. While that may be the case for some, there are many women who may not desire children, they may be waiting for the right person or the right time to have children, or they could be having fertility issues. Unfortunately, the pressure in our society for women to have children is insane and the idea that real womanhood equates to traditional motherhood is not fair.
Since I’ve heard some interesting comments from people around the topic of my future motherhood, in this post I share some of the off the wall questions and statements people have said to me.
Check it out below!
1) The person finds out you are in a serious relationship or you’re married, so they immediately ask, “Do you have kids?” When you say, “No, not yet,” they continue with questions, “Are you trying?”
If you are my friend or family member, it’s cool for us to discuss my desire to have children maybe once, even twice, but when that’s all you want to talk about, it’s a tad bit annoying.
I have a friend who I don’t see very often, but every blue moon when we talk on the phone, she always asks the same question about children–over and over again.
Why are people so obsessed with women having babies? Are you going to be around when I need a babysitter, probably not?
Moreover, if you don’t know someone personally, it’s none of your business as to why they don’t have or don’t want kids.
2) When you turn a certain age people begin to panic about your biological clock. “You better start having kids! You know a woman begins losing her eggs by age 30? You better not wait too long.”
I was in my twenties the first time someone told me this—it was actually my boss at the time. While I didn’t freak out, I did think to myself, ‘Did she really just say this?’
What people don’t realize is that for those women who want kids, they too have heard the scary studies, personal stories from loved ones, the gentle or not so gentle reminders from their OB/GYNs, etc. So your overwhelming yearning to share the gloomy what ifs ain’t always welcomed.
3) If you don’t have kids, sometimes it’s not so thrilling to go to every kid in your life’s celebratory events. When you get invited to a birthday party, you may search for a niece or nephew to take because it’s simply more fun to bring a kid to a kid party.
Note that if your friend or family member does participate in any type of celebration (and they don’t have kids), just be grateful. Don’t make them feel awkward and definitely don’t say tacky things like, “I can’t wait until you have kids. You always buy my kids toys that make noise…or toys that take forever to assemble. I can’t wait to do the same thing to you.”
Someone told me that recently. It caught me sooo off guard. I thought, ‘What? Are you really that reckless with your comments?’
When people who don’t have kids participate in your kid’s events and buy them gifts, please don’t complain. The worst thing you can do is judge their actions when they have taken the time, effort, and money to celebrate your little one with a gesture of love.
Parents who make statements like this should put themselves in the shoes of people with no kids. They owe you nothing. Moreover, if this person is actively participating in the lives of a large community of friends or family with children, please just hush…immediately.
4) While I understand that parenthood changes your world and it is a ton of responsibilities, I don’t get why some parents like to throw it in childfree people’s faces. I don’t how many times I have heard, “I’m so ______(fill in the blank…tired, busy, stressed, etc). You just don’t understand. You will once you have kids.”
When parents make these statements, you forget that you chose this life. It’s unnecessary to throw it in people’s faces that they don’t understand. They have responsibilities too. They feel busy, tired, and stressed too. It’s just unrelated to parenthood.
It’s important that people remember that individuals without kids live fulfilled, yet complicated lives too. We are all living life. Being a parent doesn’t make your life better or worse than mine.
Have you heard any of these statements? Or are you guilty of saying them? Would you add any to the list? Leave a comment or tweet @BoriquaChicks.
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